Bronwyn's story

A few weeks back Duncan and I became official members of Worple Rd church. As part of the deal, we both told our stories to the congregation. Since then, we have made written versions to be printed in the church monthly mag thingy. So, here is mine!

My first memory of an answered prayer was about a lost Barbie doll dress (when I was about four years old). The Bible verse that first challenged me personally was in Psalm 139 about God being "all around me on every side". My first decision to respond to Jesus in a personal way came as a ten year old. I somehow knew that I was missing something and enthusiastically joined my younger sister in questioning my mother before school one morning. Mum helped me pray a simple and tearful prayer of commitment and a joyful day was had by one and all!

My relationship with God really only flourished later as I entered the world of teenage-hood and came into contact with inspiring older peers and adults at high school, Scripture Union camps and church youth group. I was baptised at 13 years old as a public declaration of my growing faith. I feverishly read the Bible, finding encouragement and guidance for my daily life, and was able to encourage others. It was around this time I also began to use my guitar playing to lead in music and worship with other youngsters and my Dad encouraged me to begin playing piano in church.

This “honeymoon” period came to an end in my mid-teens. From that time until quite recently I struggled off and on with mental battles and questions about my faith that I had never had to deal with before, all the while still being a youth and church music leader. I guess that a lot of what I was dealing with was what non/new-Christians face when they begin investigating Christianity for the first time—except that I felt like I'd read all the important bits of the Bible already and... !

Sometimes it helped to blame certain doubts and self-condemnation on the enemy and pray against it. Other times I just sort of plodded along, somewhat accepting my lot, going through the motions as it were (some call this a “desert” experience) and slowly, bit by bit, began to re-stack the building blocks.

Three and a half years ago, momentum began to gather. It started because I began to read books again. (I hadn't done so since I was a teenager, too busy as a student/young teacher.) Embarking on a very long plane flight I hastily borrowed a book that a friend happened to have in their car as they drove us to the airport. (Phillip Yancey's The Jesus I Never Knew.) My first phase back into reading saw me devour just about everything Phillip Yancey had written! After the book Disappointment with God (which is not what I had thought it might be—answers to tough questions) I made an important decision. Like Job, I would quit wallowing and choose to follow the Lord no matter whether he continued to allow more of my friends/family to die of cancer, never answered another prayer, whatever! From that position, things could only get better huh?!

Several months later, through several helpful church activities, I made another important breadkthrough: I realised that I feel closest to God when I am relating to him on an intellectual level (be that song lyrics, reading or listening to teaching rather than say worship, prayer, being in the outdoors) and that it was OK—God didn't require me to conform to certain “right” ways perceived to maintain a relationship with God, ie a morning “quiet time."

I thank God for music and books. My mother assures me that I responded to Christian music from a very young age. Apart from whatever I happen to be reading (Bible or book), quite often I have a “theme song” with lyrics that are particularly pertinent to current situations. As I came to move to London, I had the UK worship song Jesus Lead On as a theme. I remember singing it with all my heart as I walked to my first school for day supply teaching in London; “...you are my guiding light when the way is unknown...” Later in the depths of my despair in my first weeks of a long term post another song I made myself sing “...I will bless the Lord at all times, giving honour to your name...", a Kiwi worship song. (I've since gotten more used to my London teaching thing and don't sing/play about it so much which is actually a sad thing!)

I now pretty much always have a Christian book on the go and God has had me journeying to many places and topics. It has also meant that I have been able to encourage and help others with aspects of faith and crisis—which I never would have imagined! What a blessing it has been to commute in this city of London so that I may read. Speaking of which, the decision to come across to London is a story in itself, which you can possibly find in out in one of our 2002 blog entries. Let's just say that I seem to come back to Psalm 139 again and again, ”...If I flew away beyond the east or lived in the farthest place in the west, you would be there to lead me, you would be there to guide me."